Proud member of the

Ship Rant Parodies Part 1: Anti-Borra Essay! 

This is from a blog poking fun at anti-shippers.  The person running it wrote this silly little parody of an Anti-Borra essay, and I think you guys would enjoy it.

calm-down-anti-shippers:

or, Why This Ship is Bad and You Should Feel Bad. 

Author’s Disclaimer: These essays are NOT meant in any way meant to make fun of every person who writes essays criticizing shipping/ships! There are many perfectly legitimate reasons to criticize any ship I’m sure. What these essays are focused on is the not-so-legitimate reasons: the extremely illogical, decidedly silly, and excessively emotional ones.

 Let me tell you about one of my least favorite ships in LoK: Borra. It’s just so overrated. I can’t imagine why anyone in the world would want to pair off two such attractive and endearing characters. What do they put in the water over here on tumblr?

 It’s Boring!

I mean it’s practically in their name. (Get it? Borra-ing). Borra is just one big yawn-fest. Call me back when Korra burns down a country and throws herself into a volcano for Bolin.

It’s too Sweet!

It’s like throwing up on sparkles and cupcakes. Don’t you dare tell me there’s anything endearing, sweet, or charming about their interactions. Love isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and burp-contests. Love is about PAIN and SUFFERING. If your ship doesn’t make you feel like killing something or someone, you aren’t doing it right.

If you ship Borra, you hate Korra and you don’t respect her opinions!

That’s right, all Borra shippers are misogynist Korra haters! You heard it here first! Wanting Korra to be with Bolin means that you completely disrespect her choices. I mean, it’s not like she could like ever, y’know… change her mind. No teenage girl in history has every gotten over a crush or changed her mind about a boy! That’s just unrealistic. 

And don’t forget, Bolin is PRESSURING Korra to be with him.

What’s that you say? He backed off after the 105 fiasco and hasn’t made a move on Korra since, while still remaining a loyal friend?

Ha.

That can’t be true. He’s definitely pressuring her. With his evil mind-control powers of course.

 Look at him creepin’ on Korra in this totally-out-of-context screencap:

 

That’s right Bolin has SECRETLY been trying to push Korra into his arms the whole time. He’s trying to control her, with his mind. What an evil genius.

It’s really, really boring!

 Sorry, did I mention it’s boring? Even though that’s a subjective opinion with limited relevance to an anti-shipping rant? Because it is. Every night I watch the Borra date scene to help me go to sleep. Well, I watch part of it at least because after 30 seconds…. Zzzzzzzzzz. 

So remember, if you ship Borra, you probably think life is a walk in the park and you are sexist and you like to sleep a lot. 

Note: Sarcasm hand raised high! Follow if you haven’t already and watch out for new parody ship rants soon:

Makorra (i.e. Why Makorrians Like to Kick Puppies for Fun)

Masami (i.e. Why Asami IS an Equalist. I’m Right This Time, I Swear.)